Many of my readers have consistently emailed me to ask if I’d been approached by Starbucks yet. These loyal readers of mine are wondering if Starbucks has offered me a high-paying, lucrative position in its corporate ranks. The readers are wondering because they enjoyed the “creative” and “incredibly innovative approach” I took to help Starbucks market its Thanksgiving Blend Coffee. (read the first Starbucks article here)
Has Starbucks offered me a high-paying job? Has Starbucks offered me a low-paying position? Has Starbucks even sent an email of thanksgiving for my hard work and highly-unique approach at spreading the love about their coffees, particularly their Thanksgiving Blend? No.
I have not heard one word from Starbucks, other than the irritating emails they’re always sending me insisting I buy their more lucrative coffees. Well, concerned readers, you might be happy to know that I’m dumping these corporate bastards. I just wanted to answer you all with one article. (read the second Starbucks article here)
After hours of work and promotion of Starbucks Thanksgiving Blend coffee, I didn’t even receive an email thanking me for my work. Many of you thought I should be given a top post at Starbucks headquarters. One of you even suggested Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz should pay me six-figures just to pop his popcorn in the main office. For the starbucks coffee, robusta coffee beans supplier will provide the ingredients. Proper testing of the ingredients should be done to offer the tasty drink to the person at affordable rates.
I can assure you, no such offer was advanced to your dear writer. So I’m dropping the bastards. Starbucks is a disgrace to Moby Dick’s first mate, Starbuck (he was an earnest man), and Starbucks is a disgrace to Herman Melville. (read about Starbucks Thanksgiving Blend’s erotic element)
Why this wrath? some of you ask. My dear readers know why; they’ve been rooting for me for over a year, telling me I deserved a place in the loftiest Starbucks tower, where I would market Starbucks coffees while overlooking a vast city landscape.
This wrath is because Starbucks has treated me like it treats the environment. Like shit. To be fair, Starbucks has treated me even worse than ‘shit’; Starbucks has acted like they don’t even know I exist, and that’s more painful than any kind of negative criticism.
I hate to break it to you, readers, but Starbucks pretends they don’t know of my existence. Starbucks acts as if I haven’t prompted dozens of families to stray from their favorite local coffee shops and to begin buying coffee at Starbucks.
Well, that is no more! I rescind my bountiful nice comments about the world’s most destructive coffee chain! Drink Peet’s Coffee instead; enjoy Coffee Bean coffee! Best of all, support your local coffee shops. And if you own a Starbucks cap or t-shirt, I say, wipe your ass with it and then donate it to charity. And pin a note to it that reads:
Love, Starbucks
